Bad Day

Woke up this morning not feeling well, exhausted and nauseous. Breaking out in sweats and then feeling like I was going to throw up.  This is the first time I've experienced these side effects and I don't like it at all!!!  They gave me a bag of hydration along with my iron, seemed to help alittle.  Stopped for something to eat then home to bed, where I have been since 11:00 this morning.  Praying I have the strength to make it on the plane tomorrow to Maine and enjoy the beautiful  town of Bar Harbour with my family.  I think a change of scenery will do me good . And Tracey, you were a wonderful nurse today!  Love to all.

Another day......

This is my port where I receive all my drugs. I can leave the catheter in for a week, so I don't have to get poked everyday that I go.  It looks uncomfortable, but I hardly notice it at all.  I think that pulling the clear tape off tomorrow is going to hurt more!  Beth took me for hydration today, lunch out and then home to bed.  Slept for a few hours and got up so I will sleep tonight. Feeling pretty good, not as bad as last week, so hoping that everyday will be getting better the more I get used to this.  Having alittle "break thru" nausea, something that I didn't have last time, but have drugs for it and they seem to be working.  Going thru this is like dominoes, one thing leads to another to another.....seems to never end, at least it keeps things interesting!!!

UGH....

Just like I said, 3 hours of chemo treatments today.  Carbo is kicking my butt..Abby and I went out to eat after then came home and I crawled in bed. Slept for and hour , have been up since 5:30 and trying to make it as long as I can, will then take a ambien and hopefully sleep the whole night.  Starting to get the metallic taste in my mouth from the drugs, also burping alot and feeling nauseous so will take a new medicine to hopefully alleviate that . Needing to get thru this night and the next few days..I have a plane to catch!!!

Such a beautiful week-end..I love the cooler weather.  It would of been a good time to get out and work in the gardens or sit in the sun but instead I decided that I would SLEEP!!!  After a short trip to Target and Kohls yesterday morning, I came home and was exhausted.  At 4:30, Bob woke me up as his brother and wife were coming to visit and bring dinner.  The meal was wonderful ( heath bar ice cream and cupcakes for dessert) and enjoyed our visit.  Today was a "do nothing day" and that's just what I did...NOTHING....Beth, Joanne and Janice all came for short visits, but otherwise I just took it easy.  Tomorrow I have 3 hours of chemo...carboplatin and gemzar...I refer to it as "killer chemo" as both at once is alot and I feel awful after.  But I need to power thru this as I have a very busy 2 weeks ahead of me. Thanks to everyone who has sent cards, phone calls and facebook messages of encouragement ..I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life.
                                                                                       

My port & Tracey is not a nurse.....

  For those who don't know what it is, my port  is a small device that is under the skin on the left side of my chest, between my collar bone and breast.  It is where I receive my chemo and hydration,or if they need to draw any blood, without having to repeatedly stick me in my hands or arms. It basically is a small cylinder with a hollow space and a soft top that they put the needle in.  It is connected to a small catheter that  **goes into one of the large central veins that deliver blood to my heart**..  putting the medication directly in my body.  My incision still hurts and I can feel the large bump under my skin.  It itches because the incision is still healing.  I had one in last time and it left quite a scar, thou this time, my surgeon told Beth and Tracey that he made it "pretty". I also have a "numbing" cream to put on it before I go, thou it really doesn't hurt, just a poke like getting a shot.  Now, about Tracey and her "nursing skills".  We went this morning for my iron treatment, afterwards they put a syringe full of heprin in my port so no blood clots form in my catheter.**  Tracey asked if she was putting "air" in it.  The nurse looked at her and said, " Uh, I think if I put air in it I could kill her" **   (Look above * to where the catheter goes..right to my heart!!)* After the treatment, the nurse took the needle out and I started to bleed really bad from my port.  She only had a small cotton ball in her hand so she said, " Can you please get me a piece of gauze?"  I looked over and Tracey had her head turned away so I said,"are you talking to her?"   Tracey is not one for blood , so I ended up pulling down the top of my white t shirt so blood didn't get on it while the nurse reached over next to Tracey and got some gauze.  As always it was another adventure at the cancer center today...I'm so thankful for having such good friends that will take me and sit thru this...and today was Tracey's birthday...

EXCUSE............

This summer my nephew got married.  I used his wedding as a reason to lose some weight, besides the fact that the one dress I really liked and wanted to wear was alittle "tight".  I did really good on the South Beach Diet, lost 12 lbs, thou it was hard at first since I LOVE carbs, and candy, and ice cream.  I did fit into the dress and lots of other clothes that had been pushed to the back of the closet, Woo Hoo, feeling good and on a roll,(pun intended).  Now however I'm using my reoccurring cancer and treatments as an excuse to eat anything and everything!  Lately it's been potato chips, the kettle kind, that I've never liked before.  And ice cream..and peanut M&M's.....and bread....I'm in heaven.  Just today I bought a loaf (2) of the freshest, softest sweet Italian bread from Kroger.  That with a homemade chicken pot pie that JoAnne made was a wonderful dinner.  I know from going thru this before that I'm like a bear going into hibernation, stocking up on food when I'm feeling good, knowing that it will be a challenge to eat anything in the up coming weeks during chemo.  So for now I'm enjoying the bread and candy, the ice cream is gone and I didn't buy anymore, Dairy Queen is right up the road..and I love heath bar blizzards.................
























oo, feeling good and on a roll (no pun intended)

If I had..

Had a really hard time getting my brain to shut off last night and get to sleep. Not sure if being out and having fun had anything to do with it, or the mexican food, but boy was I thinking WAY too much!  Finally at 2:30 am I took a pill and last looked at the clock at 3:00 am.   And as usual was up early and now feeling tired. Went to the early show with Abby and Mom to see the movie "The Help".  Wonderful book AND movie..highly recommend.  This was sent to my by a friend who has gone thru cancer herself.  I did condense it somewhat, but thought it was worth sharing, as many of these thoughts have gone thru my mind lately. 

IN honour of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer). 
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains. 
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.. 
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later... Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's, more 'I'm sorry's.'

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute; look at it and really see it; live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us..

Feeling Good

The problem with having a week off from treatments and feeling "normal" is that I try and do too much.  I "forget" that I can't do things like I used to do.  I'm not sure how I managed to watch the kids while going thru treatments last time...thou guessing 3 1/2 years has "aged" me some.....I have always gotten up in the morning and been out the door, now it's taking me more time just to get moving.   The amount of drugs that I'm taking and having put in my body are also making things difficult.  The shot to boost my white blood cells causes numbness and swelling in my feet and hands...and just like last time it isn't effecting my left hand...and I'm right handed...ugh... It is also effecting the way I'm walking.  I have a tendency to "lean to the left" ( and were not talking politics)  and look like I've had a few too many drinks. So when I'm out and not able to lean on a shopping cart or Bob I have a cane..or as Bob calls it, a "stick".  Never thought I would be using one, but the thought of falling and breaking a bone has humbled me.   The past few days have been good and I have been getting out.  Book shopping with Bob and Beth, breakfast with Dianne and Elaine..lunch today with Beth and Tracey and maybe even alittle retail therapy if I'm up for it.  Enjoying the cool weather and sunshine.

6 days..

6 days till I have another treatment...6 days of no Dr. appointments....6 days of no driving to Rochester...Ok..can you tell I'm looking forward to the next 6 days?   I received this on my facebook page  this morning and wanted to share it with those of you who are reading this blog and not on facebook.

"May today there be peace within.  May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.  May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others.  May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given you.  May you be content with yourself just the way you are.  Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love.  It is there for each and  everyone of us"

I have read this MANY times today....and will continue to do so......

                                                                                                                              


           

Ok, here we go..things I really didn't want to have to learn about ovarian cancer, but did.  Ovarian cancer is one of the top 10 cancers of women. It is know as the "silent killer" because the symptoms are often vague and non-specific.  Generally, by the time you are diagnosed , the tumor has often spread beyond the ovaries. 70-90% of women with ovarian cancer will, at some point in time, have a recurrence of their disease.  You have to think about this as disease that, while it may go in remission, will never go away completely, and treat it as a chronic disease, just like diabetes or high blood pressure.  The more time passes before a recurrence, the better the chances for a possible cure or long second remission.   Interesting huh????  Almost finished...  CA 125 is a blood test that measures the amount of the protein.... CA 125 ( cancer antigen) in your blood.  I learned alot the first time, and everyday I'm learning more..Its important that I need to be educated about treatment options, participate in the decision making process, get the info that I and my family need to go thru treatment and be able to cope with the disease.  I'm forever grateful to my husband Bob, daughter Abby and friends Beth, Tracey and Sue for being there with me at treatments or just sitting next to me in my bed after a rough day. They were with me the first time and are rallying around me again.  As Beth and Tracey were waiting for me last week, I overheard Beth tell one of the nurses, they were my "bra"..my support.  Couldn't of said it any better.  For those of you who don't know the "players" in this 2nd go around. over the next week I will introduce you to them.   Bob, Abby, Beth, Tracey & Sue.....  And for everyone who has called, stopped bye, sent cards... you too are my BRA     xo  Marcia

Going Back.........

This picture was taken of Beth & I in Mexico, April 2008.  One week later my world would be changed as I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  You would never know from the picture that my right ovary was 8lbs and the size of a basketball and my left ovary was the size of a softball.  I did "blow up" much more in the 2 weeks before I had the surgery, in fact I looked like I was due to delivery a baby anyday!  The cancer was contained and not in any major organs, ie.liver, kidney ,lymph nodes.  In doing the "wash" of my body cavity they found some cancer cells floating around.  So I began chemo.  9 months of chemo....lost my appetite my hair, was tired all the time..but never lost the will to fight.  Since the majority of my family has died of some form of cancer I was tested to see if I carried the gene mutation BRAC1..BRAC 2.   Low and behold I was a carrier...so I took the most obvious... to me way of dealing with it and had a double mastectomy , not 100% of never getting breast cancer, but sure knocking down the odds.  Reconstruction, shingles, cellulites, hospital stays, honestly these new ones have put me thru alot and looking back, not sure if it was worth it!!!  Ok, lets jump ahead 3 1/2 years....every 6 months I've had cat scans and blood work.  I always get anxious right before I have to go, and the last time was April 11, 2011 (funny how dates stick in your mind)  My oncologist, Dr Fata told me that my CA125 was 13..and all was "ok".  Of course Bob and I heaved a sigh of relief and Bob told the Dr. how nervous I always am before seeing him.  Dr. Fata said to me, "No, Marcia, the stress is worse than the cancer" and gave me a big hug.   


Now I'm home from a family vacation and getting ready to go to Maine for a wedding and my stomach hurts and I tell Bob I think I might have a hernia.  After a few days I finally call my Dr and get in to see him.  He thinks that it might be diverticulitis or irritable bowel, asks when my last cat scan was and gives me a prescription.  Later that night my phone rings and I saw that it was the Dr.  Knowing he wasn't calling to see what I fixed for dinner, I was alittle scared.  He highly suggested I go to the hospital the next day to have some blood work done.  Ok, so the next day I go.  That night another call from him, this time telling me that my CA125 was 119 and that means "something is going on somewhere".  and now I need to go have another cat scan.  So now we are back to Monday Aug 8,2011 when I'm told the "CANCER HAS RETURNED".  My reaction was to hit the table and tell the Dr,"You TOLD ME I was ok just 4 months ago".  Now looking back, Abby and I laugh cuz the poor Dr. came over and hugged me then opened the door and asked for the social worker to come in ...not sure what he thought I was going to do.    So even thou I don't have any ovaries, it is still called ovarian cancer since that is where it originated....Will put this post up on the blog, thou I will add more to it later tonight as I'm sure you all are wondering what a CA125 is and I need to call Beth to tell here I just put her picture in a bathing suit up on this site for all to see..............................

Tired :-(

Went to bed last night tired, slept so-so but woke up feeling like I didn't sleep at all.  Feels like I've been dragging all day.  Hopefully the iron supplement tomorrow will help out and give me a boost.  As many of you know, I have babysat several children for years.  The boys are now 5 1/2 and going to school in a few weeks.  I made the decision  at the beginning of summer to not go back and watch them this school year.  I wanted to have more time for Bob and I to go and do the things we wanted to do now that he is retired.  Also Isabella is going to school so I would only have her one day a week.  Little did I know what was in store for me!  Bella's mom brought her over this morning so I could get my "bella fix".  She is a beautiful little girl who puts a big smile on my face and I needed that.    Elaine brought over a fresh baked blueberry pie, which put a big smile on Bob's face!!  

Chemo..round #2

Up early, (4:30 a.m.) ...possibly due to anticipation of chemo treatment this morning???   Tracey came and picked me up at 10:00 and away we went.   Banana & Zucchini bread were a big hit, I think the nurses liked it as much as the patients!  Thinking cookies next time.  My nurse Chris was very informative and quite funny.  I did get a bag of hydration..my "evaluation" went well, really think it had to due with insurance...you know whether they will pay $$$$ for a bag of water!!!  I asked again about the type of chemo I was getting and she explained it in more detail and wrote it down for me.  Seems that last tuesday... week 1..or cycle 1.. I was getting 2 types of chemo...Gemzar and Carboplatin...which really explains why I felt soooo terrible.  Week 2..or cycle 2... I'm only getting Gemzar..which explains why I'm feeling sooo good today.  Hydration tomorrow and meeting with the Dr.  My "team" is going with me, Bob, Abby and Beth.  Always good to have alot of ears to hear what they are saying.

So the day went by really fast, Tracey and I went shopping and out to lunch.  Came home to find that Abby had made another wonderful dinner for us.. Got a really nice card and plaque in the mail from another cancer survivor that I've never met , only thru e-mails.  After dinner another friend came over to visit.  So it has been a really busy day..can't believe that I'm still up and thinking of eating some ice cream and watching T.V

                         "ONCE YOU CHOOSE HOPE--ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE"


.

Wonderful day.

Today was a great day.!!!!  Woke up thinking I was going to be the next food star and got baking first thing this morning.   Made 2 loafs of banana bread and 2 loafs of zucchini bread for "chemo hour" tomorrow... there's really nothing better to do while sitting there getting treatment than to eat or sleep.  Followed the recipe step by step the first batch..kind of " lost focus" on the 2nd one...sure all the ingredients got put in but doesn't look quite as good.    Received a beautiful cypress tree and guardian angel from a good friend who I haven't seen in awhile.   Sue came over and we visited and she took me to  Big Boy for lunch.  Abby made a wonderful dinner and Dan and Beth joined us.  After dinner Abby, Beth and I went to Dairy Queen for dessert....heath bar blizzard  YUM   In my "old life" it would of been a normal day....in my "new" life it's a WONDERFUL DAY!!!!  I only wish I could spread today thru out the up-coming week.  Chemo tomorrow..Tracey is taking me.  Hoping I can get a bag of hydration before chemo to help off set the effects.  Beth talked to the Drs. office today and they told her I just need to talk to my nurse and she will "evaluate" me in the morning...HA HA...that could take awhile...or maybe not!  Thinking I have enough energy to take a shower and watch HGTV before calling it a night.  Praying tomorrow will be a peaceful day    .(.Bob had a wonderful day too fishing on lake St Clair..they caught 30 fish ..glad he had a good time with the guys he used to work with at Ford :-)

2 Days in a row!!!

Day 2 that I've felt "good".  My stomach is finally getting "adjusted" to all the drugs that I'm feeding it.. besides the chemo and steroids...anti-depression, anti-anxiety, anti-nausea, heartburn, ambien to sleep...sure the list will get longer as this goes on...having some pain in my legs that I remember from last time...know I took a drug for that too.  That's whats so hard about going thru this again..I REMEMBER what it felt like and what to expect.  The first time it was the "un-known" and now it's just, "Oh yea, I remember feeling this"  ( Really,  I'm thinking..what the *&%#)  Hoping that it might get better as I get used to the fact that the cancer has returned..it was such a whirlwind of a week, blood work,cat scan, week-end of worry, told the cancer had returned, started chemo, hydration and port put in..all in a matter of 7 days!  Any one of those would be enough to put you over the edge!!  Even thou it wasn't a nice sunny day, I did manage to get dressed later in the day, ( first time in 5 days) and went to the grocery store with Bob..Wal-Mart of all places on a sunday afternoon....always good for a few laughs :-)     Bought lots of food that looked good a few hours ago, but not sure now, another "thing" I remember from before!  Big Mac still in fridge from 2 days ago...Kentucky Fried Chicken sounded good yesterday?????   Settled on a loaf of fresh bread, basil and tomatoes from the garden with alittle garlic...yummy dinner and flavors that I can taste.  Not much else accomplished, back in pj.s and comfortable.  Thanks for all the phone calls today...Please don't feel that you "can't" call or that it might be a "bad" time.   My phone is downstairs when I'm sleeping and Bob will answer it..or just leave a message..I promise I'll get back to you  xo

.  Managed to stay awake ALL day!  Felt pretty good today, got a shower and my hair washed..such a simple thing you take for granted until you really can't manage to do it by yourself.  Abby, Beth and my mom came over to visit and cheer me up.  Kind of like a sleepover..how many people can you fit on a bed?  Ok..3..my mom opted for the rocking chair.  Bought plane tickets to fly to Maine for my cousins wedding in a few weeks.  We were going to take our time traveling there and back, but having to be home for chemo appointments and just riding in the car that long changed our plans.  Tired now and going to bed and listen to the thunder and rain..hoping I have another "good" day tomorrow.

Yesterday.........

Thought the day was going to be promising..managed to stay up for 3 hours before falling back in bed at 9:00am Having terrible stomach cramps, breaking out in a sweat and feeling pretty bad.  Beth came over and brought me lunch,thou by the time I got around to it I only managed to eat a few cold french fries.  After sleeping the afternoon  away I did feel alittle better.  Beth came back later to eat dinner with Bob and I...I did manage to eat some buttered noodles and pork chop.  Had hoped to get in a shower but was alittle too unsteady...Beth was going to help me wash my hair in the kitchen sink, but once again I ended back up in bed. Keep thinking that tomorrow will be better...................

Port

Exhausting day..up early and at the hospital to get my port put back in.  I have a wonderful surgeon, Dr. Hinshaw. I was awake while he did the procedure, some what painful, and my emotions took over.  Shirley, the wonderful nurse, was holding my hand and talking calmly to me. wiped away my tears.  It wasn't a long procedure and I was on my way after a quick chest x-ray to make sure it was in place.  Two of my best friends, Tracey and Beth took me today.  Very humbling to have your girlfriends help you get your clothes on ,  Felt so helpless.  We usually would go out for lunch, but I've been feeling pretty nauseous since the chemo so.instead we stopped at a few garage sales!  It was good for me to be sitting up in the car and not laying down in bed.  After an hour or so , I was totally exhausted and they took me home and I crawled into bed and slept most of the day away.  No appetite for food or drink, thou know I need to keep up with the fluids so I don't get dehydrated. Been an awfully busy week and looking forward to a few days home and no Dr. appointments

Day 2....hydration

Forced myself to stay up late last night ....hoping to sleep thru the night.  No such luck...up several times wide awake with severe heartburn!  Reluctantly got up at 8:00 to go for hydration.  Abby picked me up and away we went...I did feel much better after the treatment.  Claire was my nurse today, she was surprised to see me as she was one of my nurses that took care of me last time.  Had lunch then went back to bed, sleeping on and off all afternoon.  The windows open with the breeze blowing was wonderful.  Dianne came over and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a "fight like a girl" cancer baseball hat.  Also found on my sun porch cookies from Leah.  Bob home and fixing dinner thou not really hungry..several phone calls from the Dr.s , schedule changes etc.   Think I need a personal secretary to keep track of everything..and it's only day 2! 

First day of chemo

Home from day one of chemo!  Since I don't have a port put in yet they administered the drugs thru a IV in the back of my right arm...yep couldn't use my arm for 2 1/2 hours. Before the actual "chemo" drugs I was given a steroid and an anti nausea medicine.  Then the big guns came out!  Not sure what the names are, one is Carboplatinum ? and don't recall the other one..sure I will find it out tomorrow.  The time seemed to go by fast as Abby and I worked on setting up this blog.  My nurse Pauline was extremely nice and I jokingly asked her what section or "pod" of the infusion lab was the "fun" one.  We talked about how I used to sit in a certain spot with the same people at the old office and she said she had heard about a "rowdy, fun loving" group..and I have to think that it involved me!  You would tend to think it's a depressing place to be, but everyone is in the same boat. fighting to get better.  My schedule for now is 2 weeks of chemo..every tues and hydration on weds...then 2 weeks off.  This is to continue till Dec...when I will then have surgery to remove the shrunken tumor.  and then more chemo.  That is the plan as of yesterday..of course subject to change.  This thurs I will be going to get my port put back in with 2 of my best buddies in tow.....Hopefully I will get better at this as I go along......Much love to all for your e-mails and messages..

Leaving comments...

Since we are new to this blog we just figured out how to leave comments...when you click on "post a comment" under "comment as" pick name and then you can enter your name to be displayed by the post!

First Post

Sitting at Chemo now, setting up a blog with Abby.