Great day

  My Mom's 75th birthday party was this past week-end and I finished the alumni booklet for my 35th class reunion, a project that I've been working on since March!.  Now it's time to focus on me, try not to do so much, relax, read and just take it easy, no stress!!! I went to my family Dr. last week for my hip that was and is still hurting.  She had me show her where it hurt and she said I was pointing to my pelvic bone, not hip.  She had me lay down on the table and started to really press on my stomach, and of course she hit a spot that hurt like crazy.  She then asked me if I could give her a urine sample, which I did.  Well she came back and said I had a really bad bladder infection!  I've had bladder infections before and I always had pain etc..She told me that the chemo "masks" a lot of things. So I was put on a strong antibiotic. I asked her if having the infection could cause my CA-125 to go up and she said she didn't think so.  Looking on the internet when I got home, I found several sites that said it could make it go up.  I'm hoping that it is the reason that it is and that my next blood draw it will have gone down. I also woke up last week with my foot hurting...yep the neuropathy has returned!!!  First in my left foot and then 2 days later in my right foot.  Yesterday I could hardly walk.  Abby was here and told me that I should be taking my medicine for it and that we will tell the Dr. when I have my next office visit,  Chemo tomorrow, thinking positive thoughts, after this one there are 3 left.......So enough about sickness and pain. Today was a beautiful day, not only the weather, but in enjoying the company of friends. Someone I was close to and haven't seen in awhile came over and took me out to lunch. She stayed and we talked for along time out on the patio. Another friend, someone who I know thru other friends stopped over with a vase of beautiful flowers and a wonderful gift.  By now 5 hours have gone bye!  After dinner Beth came over and just when she was getting ready to leave, I got a phone call from a dear friend who I've know for over 25 years and haven't talked to in ages.  We had the longest chat, so long that I had to plug my phone in the charger so we could keep talking!  It was a wonderful , stress free day spent with wonderful friends, I wish every day could be like today!!!

Feeling Better

So after not being able to get myself or my emotions under control, I made the call to the Dr.   Lauren, one of my oncology nurses called me back and we talked and I told her how I was feeling ect.  She would speak with Dr. Fata and get back with me. In the meantime, I went to Abby's and floated in the pool, tears falling and filling up my ears, and wondering WHY the hell I was so jacked out of shape!!!!   Several hours later the call came and Lauren relayed to me that Dr. Fata would be lowering my chemo dose, that he thought my stomach pains might be related to diverticulitis, which I do have, and that he wanted me to see/talk to a therapist/social worker at the office.   Gwen called me within a hour and she was very calming, talking me "down off the edge".  Even thou that night I was throwing up and really not feeling good, I did have a sense of peacefulness and managed to get a good nights sleep.  I went to the office the next day and met with her again. In talking she explained to me that people react at different times to their illness, some when first diagnosed, some during and then like me, at the end.  September is coming up fast, I have 4 treatments left and then my cat scan.  That will determine what the next step is in my treatment. I believe it's the "fear" of the un-known that has gotten to me.  I so want this to "be over" and move on with what I want to do with my life, and not knowing is pretty scarey.   In trying to find some relief from all of this, I'm going to make a appointment with a oncology massage therapist and a acupuncturist. that work out of my Dr.s.  I don't want to have to depend on drugs if I don't have too, I think I've had enough put into me this past year!  So again, thank you everyone who has been keeping up with me and sending me well wishes.  Please know that I'm fine and doing well, I just had a mini "breakdown" and am back on my feet, running all over town, going to garage sales and generally doing what I normally would.  Sometimes a good cry is what a girl needs.

Crap

I hesitate to even write on my blog today.  However, since I started it to keep family & friends up to date on my health and to use it as a sounding board, here goes.  It has to be one and continues to be one of my worst weeks ever.  Chemo on Tuesday was un-eventful, nothing out of the ordinary.  I woke up Wednesday morning and have had a feeling of frustration and dread all week.  In and out of bed with no ambition to do anything, having terrible stomach pains and of course thinking the worst, since the pains are on the left side!  I feel like I'm "stuck" in a big rut and can't move in any direction.  My last CA-125 was 10.8...up a few points from last month, which adds to the anxiety, thou the Dr. says it's nothing to worry about, it happens.  However, I was happy that it was down in the 7's a month or so ago. ( anything under 30 is considered ok).  I also have gone off all anti-depressants, as they didn't seem to be working anymore and the Dr. told me that the chemo sometimes "cancels them out".    Maybe it's all starting to catch up with me.  It will be a year next month that I was re-diagnosed and the constant barrage of chemo and treatments on my body are beginning to show.  Dr.Fata wants me to continue with chemo thru September, when I'm scheduled for my cat scan to see if and how much more the tumor has shrunk.  I really thought I had it in me to fight and get thru these last few treatments, but am not sure I can do it.  It seems like all I'm doing is sleeping, sitting and starring off into space most of the time.  I'm not "giving up", I just think that it's time to" re-evaluate" my treatment plan, maybe take some time off of treatment and get my head and body back into the game of doing what I like and want to do, and not constantly be going to the Dr.s.  I'm scheduled for chemo tomorrow and have my next appointment with the Dr. next week.  So, that has been my week..like I said not a good one, but I'm trying to stay positive, not frustrated and keep the tears to a minimum.  I haven't sat and cried like this in along time....maybe I was due!  I appreciate all the words of comfort and strength that you have been sending me...Jenny, you are an angel on earth, to not know how down I was and to show up at the door with carrot cake cupcakes!!  Here's hoping to much better tomorrows..Peace & Love

Happy 4th of July!!

I again realize it's been awhile since I last posted on the blog.  Total lack of motivation is the excuse I'm using these days.  I took another week off chemo, I seriously don't have it in me to go, it's like I have heavy weights around my ankles holding me back.  However, I did go see my oncologist on Monday.  He told me I'm doing "fantastic"....as always.  We talked about the treatments and how they are really starting to cause other problems and he said that's what happens, the body just really can't take it and it rebels.  He also told me that he would cut down the amount of chemo that I'm getting if it's causing too many problems.  I have 3 more rounds of treatment, which works out to 6 more chemos cocktails, then will have my cat scan mid September to see how much more the tumor has shrunk.  As I mentioned before, I will have to be on some form of chemo for the rest of my life.

I wish it would cool down some outside so I could go work in my gardens, or at least sit on the patio and enjoy looking at them.   Was very busy the end of June, wedding planning with Abby & Dan, Kids Kicking Cancer summer swim party, working on my 35th class reunion scrapbook, getting Mom's 75th birthday party plans together....Bob & I took 10 days and went to visit with family in Erie, with a side trip to Niagara on the Lake, one of my favorite places to visit.   I had a wonderful time just doing NOTHING, I didn't even read a book or magazine, just hung out on the back porch, in the pool etc.  Garage Sales with Pat brought me days of laughter, something that I think I really needed!

Even thou today is the 4th and a holiday, we are staying home.  Tracey & Craig will be stopping by to pick up their beer & wine that we bought for them, otherwise it will and has been a quiet day.  Tomorrow is Abby's 26th birthday.  Not sure where all the time has gone, but it sure is going by fast..she was just a little girl it seems and now she is a nurse and getting married!!!

I will try to be better at posting my progress as I know there are several friends and family members who read this and wait to hear what's up.  No news is good news????  Again, thanks to all who have kept me in their prayers and continue to pray for me.   Peace & Love       Marcia