Frustration & Anger

It's taken me several days since my Dr. appointment to be able to sit down and write without bursting out in tears.  I'm SO frustrated with my Dr and the way he's handling my treatment.  Taking the claritin didn't help at all, I still felt terrible and ended up in bed all day and night.  My appointment to see him was at 1:30..by 2:30 I was in the hallway looking for him or anyone.  One of the nurses asked what I needed and I told her I was tired of waiting an hour for the Dr...next thing he's there in the room and asking me, "how I was feeling".  I was furious and only answered him with yes and no and then he asked if I was scheduled for a PET scan and when it was.  Shouldn't he know since he requested it???  He told me that I was "doing wonderful, look you still have your hair" as if that was supposed to make me feel better!!! He commented that if I had a "good" read on the PET scan he was going to "jump for joy" or better yet,"  he was going to dance"?????  What the hell????  I asked if it was a good read would I be able to discontinue chemo or at least lessen it up and he said, "NO". so I said ," why the hell would I want to dance then?"

Needless to say, I'm at the end of the rope with him and his office practices of making you wait at least an hour, if not longer.  I know I've said it before, but my next visit I'm going to tell him that if he continues to make me wait any longer than 20 minutes, I'm leaving the office.  I'm also looking into another oncologist, I hate to do it right before Abby's wedding and all, but I'm not feeling that he has my best interest at heart.  He refuses to discuss the future with us, I have asked every time what is the "plan" and he say's that everything is going great, you still have your hair, blah blah blah...nothing like in a few months I hope this will happen etc.  I did tell him about the claritin and how it didn't work, his response was try bennadryl instead.  Seriously!!!  It's obvious I'm having some type of reaction to the shot and I think he should be concerned about it, but it's a non issue to him. 

, I've lost sleep the past few nights, cry at anything, been sick to my stomach and feel like I'm "lost at sea".  The highs are really up there and the lows are way too low for my liking.....I'm trying to remain calm and keep it together as I don't need anymore stress , let alone another outbreak of shingles.  I know I've rambled on this time, my emotions are all over the place right now.  And to add to it, we had a terrible rain, wind and hail storm last night and when I went out to work in my gardens I found my beloved hostas beaten down and all but destroyed.  So the peace I find working in the gardens is now gone.  I know they are just plants and am thankful everyone is safe, but it still hurts.

I'm scheduled for chemo on July 2nd and my PET scan on July 3rd....Dr visit not till the following week.  Until then
                                                Peace & Love,
                                                                           Marcia