Good News #2

As I wrote last night, my results from the Dr.s were good.  After hearing such wonderful news, you'd think I'd be jumping for joy, but headed right for bed, where I remained until around 6:00pm.  Bob had brought in the mail and I received a beautiful handmade card with a very positive message from a friend, and also a card from a church in Missouri that has been praying for me.  Shortly after eating some wonderful homemade chicken noodle soup, I got a fb message from a friend who is going to bring over fall decorations, ( corn stalks, pumpkins etc) since she knows how much I like to have the house and fences decorated.  I also received a few phone calls from friends and family inquiring about the test results .  Around 8:00pm I had a phone call from a friend who was driving around the sub looking for my house in the dark!  Once I turned on the lights she drove in and brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers and visited for a few minutes.  My day had ended on a rather high note, so much thoughtfulness and good wishes all in one day was almost overwhelming!  I'm very, very blessed for my wonderful family and friends.  Your love and support continue to carry me thru this difficult time.  And on a really good note,  my Dr. has ok'd me leaving next week to go to my second home..Mexico!.  This trip was planned before this all came up again, but wasn't sure if I'd be able to make it.  I'm so looking forward to sitting on the beach and enjoying the sunshine and my family and friends and trying to put this out of my head for a few weeks.  Hoping I'll be able to get in one or two mango margaritas or mojoitos, but if not that will be ok too.  Peace and Love to all...............Marcia

More good news

Good news from the Dr.s today.  My CA-125 is now down to 14!  He says that all is going really well and that I'm "tolerating" the chemo.  That's putting it mildly.  My body does not like the chemo cocktail that it's being given.  I'm in bed for at least 2 1/2 days with no energy or strength at all, feeling constantly nauseated.  I've been given a nausea patch and 2 different pills to take, but none have taken the edge off yet.  I'm beginning to think that more of this is "mental" rather than "physical" and I need to get past it, but not really sure how as of yet.  More news to post , but seriously can't keep my head up and fingers moving to make sense so will post more tomorrow.  

sleeping

Came home from hydration and went to bed and have stayed there all day.  Just getting up to eat a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup.  Was given a nausea patch to wear..not sure if it's really working or not yet..have to leave it on for 7 days.  Wishing I was feeling alitlle better and had some energy.

4 down!!

I finished my 4th cycle of chemo yesterday!!!  I have hydration today and a shot for red blood cells, then hydration and a shot for white cells tomorrow..along with an appointment with the Doctor.  Hopefully will receive good news again. I'm thinking that we need to go over all the meds I'm taking and try to get them straightened out...not even sure what I'm taking anymore..anti-depressents, anti-nausea, anti-anxiety and the list goes on.  I'm under a BIG cloud of depression the past few days and can't seem to shake it.  I'm trying to get my spirits up, but I'm having a hard time just getting out of bed and functioning like I should be.  "God says he'll never put us thru anything that we can't bear and will either take us thru the trial or around it." Peace

FINALLY!!

Figured I was coming "out of the fog" when I was still up at 1:00am and had to take a ambien to get to sleep.  I've been kind of "out of it" for around 72 hours this time!!  That is alot of sleeping and just laying around.  I'm still feeling nauseous, and light headed, but got dressed and went out to the store to buy a birthday gift this morning.  Then I came home and had to lay down for an hour, but am feeling good enough to want to do things.  Chemo on Monday will be the end of cycle 4..and if I stay on track with what the Dr. said I will only have 6 cycles!!!!!  So I'm already 1/2 way thru it.  Still feeling extremely anxious about this, even with my CA-125 down considerably, it doesn't do much to quell the fear, that there still is a tumor inside of me, and not knowing what it's doing puts me on edge.  But instead of worrying about what I can't fix, I'm going to enjoy the sunshine and beautiful day and do what I can, and when I'm tired I'll sit down and relax and know that things will get better tomorrow.  And always, thank-you so much for your continued prayers and kind words being sent to me.  "BE PATIENT.  OUR PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS ANSWERED, BUT NOT ALWAYS ON THE EXACT DAY WE'D LIKE THEM TO BE"

Struggling

After having spent a great fun filled week-end with friends, I'm finding it hard to bounce back from this last round of chemo.  Day 3 is usually the tough day,where I'm in bed and sleeping all day.  However, I've been struggling the past 4 days just trying to keep my head up and eyes open!  I'm thinking that the new meds they put me on for the nausea may have something to do with it.  I haven't been "sick" but sure don't feel like myself at all.  So glad to have the support of my family and friends to keep my spirits up and hopefully will come out of this "funk" soon and be able to do more than just lay in bed.

Just got home from a wonderful 4 days spent with Beth & Tracey.  We went to Columbus Ohio to the Country Living Fair then to Honneyville Indiana for the Amish quilt auction.  It was my week off from all treatments and it was so nice to be feeling like myself again!  Hardly gave any thought to having cancer, lots of fun and laughter with my best friends.  Tomorrow I have the 3 1/2 hours of "killer chemo" and the start of 2 weeks of treatments.  My Dr. gave me some new medicine to help with the nausea so hopefully I won't have any problems.  Thankful that my CA-125 is down and looking forward to only having 3 more cycles of chemo!!! 

Positive news...

Today I received positive news from my oncologist.  My CA-125 has dropped from 125 to 24!!!!  I still have 2 more cycles of chemo to go thru before another cat scan is done and then determine if and how much the tumor is shrinking.  Then they will  decide if I'm going to be a candidate for the Da Vinci Robot surgery.  Many thanks and hugs to all who have been praying for me.  I do believe in the power of prayer and the spirit of positive thinking, thou it has been hard at times.  This makes girlfriends getaway this week-end, ( starting tomorrow) so much better!  Heading out to Columbus Ohio for the Country Living Fair all day friday, then driving to Indiana for the Amish Quilt Auction on Saturday.  Looking forward to doing alot of shopping and laughing with my "bra" team, Beth and Tracey, who will makesure I eat and drink lots of water and take good care of me.
                                     Peace & Love to All..................
 

Loss of hair..........

 

This picture was taken in 2008. It brought me to tears posting it tonight.  I had forgotten what I looked like with my hair gone, and I can't believe it's going to happen again, probably after the next cycle of chemo  starting next week. I've been jokingly asking any and everyone to pray for me to keep my hair, or at least let it "thin out".  I was given a pamphlet on how to "deal with hair loss".. This is what it said, " The best way for you to deal with impending hair loss is to plan ahead and focus on making yourself comfortable with your appearance.  When your hair starts to grow back it may be a different color and or texture."     Okay, nothing prepares you for this.  My hair grew back snow white and is still snow white if I didn't color it.  It also grew back curly, curls so tight that the only way to describe it was that it was like a sheep or a really bad toni home permanent....ha ha funny I know, but you couldn't pull your fingers thru it, it was so tight. Thankfully the longer it grew the weight of the hair pulled the curl out, along with many treatments to straighten it.  I know it's only "hair" and it will grow back.  I think this is one of the hardest parts of dealing with cancer again.  I do have a beautiful wig and kept a few scarfs, so I'm "prepared", just hoping to put it off as long as I can.   xo Marcia

What chemo does to your body.....

Up again at 3:30 am.  Not sleeping very well even with drugs.  So as I was sitting here cursing the cancer I decided to write down what it does to my body.  Of course it is all negatives..well maybe one or two  positives...Chemo kills cancer cells because the drugs target rapidly dividing cells....Normal cells in your blood also divide rapidly so the chemo affects them too.  That said...chemo side  effects I'm dealing with almost on a daily basis are..........nausea, dehydration, depression, anxiety, heartburn, dizziness, weakness, vomiting, nose sores, runny nose, sweating, neuropathy of hands and feet ,bruising easily, anemia, diarrhea, constipation, memory loss ( also know as "chemo brain") loss of taste and smell, INSOMNIA, low white and red blood count and the big one  hair loss.  Of course not all of these at one time, but generally quite a few,  The positives are.........yea not alot, but Abby told me my skin is really soft.,however even I know a bottle of lotion would take care of that!!  Weight loss, thou that hasn't happened yet and not having to shave my legs or pay to have my hair colored or cut.  I still have my hair on my head, that will be tomorrows blog..looking for a picture from a few years ago when it was gone to post.  I'm still trying hard to stay positive thru all of this and appreciate all the love and support I'm getting from friends near and far.  xoxo   Marcia

Getting better!!!!!

Today was a good day for me.  Bob & I went to the Flea Mkt in Armada and walked around.  Of course I "had" to buy a few things that I really didn't need....After we got home we canned peaches and then went grocery shopping.  In my "other life" it would of only been a dent in the day, but this time around it's really taken it's toll on me and I'm feeling it.  I just need to remember that it DOES get better a few days after chemo, and I need to just lay in bed and sleep and relax while the drugs are doing their thing, and a day or two later I will be alright.  Dr. appointment in the morning to have blood drawn...conference with the oncologist on wednesday to go over the results....hoping and praying my CA-125 count is going down and my red and white cell counts are going up!      HOPE----without it, we have nothing.               Peace

Feeling better....

After sleeping 11 hours yesterday, I woke up feeling alittle better, head kind of fuzzy, but better than the day before.   The walls were closing in on me and I was  feeling "trapped", so I asked Bob to take me to a few garage sales, which he "happily" did.  LOL  We stopped for cider and donuts and enjoyed sitting in the sunshine for awhile.  Then home and had to lay down...damn I'm getting good at that!  Isabella and Sian came to visit me and I had several phone calls which were nice.  Abby and Dan came over and we took a ride to the St. Clair River for dinner.  Just got home and I'm ready for bed.  This is my week off of treatments, so I should begin to feel better everyday..have to pace myself as I think I can do more than I really can. 

Exhausted

Had hoped to write something positive yesterday, but the day went from bad to worse in a matter of hours.  Hydration and the other wonderful shot "nuelasta" to make my body produce white blood cells.  It also makes the bones ache..kind of like you have the flu.  Also got sick again, something that never happened last time even thou I have anti-nausea medicine.  Spent all afternoon sleeping, thankful that Beth was here with me till Bob came home.  Hoping I will improve thru out the day today and will be on the way to feeling better.   xo

TIRED

Had alot I wanted to write today, but seriously don't have the energy or thought process to do it.  Arrived home from Maine last night, chemo this morning.  Really low on iron so got the "wonderful" shot of Aranesp to help with my anemia and to get my body producing enough red blood cells.  Side effects are terrible bone pain.....remember it well from last time....  So instead going to take the few minutes of your time reading this to ask you all to add a little girl to your prayer list.  Her name is Audrey and is the granddaughter of a friend from high school.  I think it's awful that I, at 52 had to be told that my cancer had returned, but she is just a little girl and her cancer has also returned.  I know she was having her port put back in today and will start her chemo soon.  So if you all  could add her to your prayer list I know her family would appreciate it.  Hopefully will be feeling better tomorrow and in a writing mood!   Love to all................

Still hanging in there...............

Thanks for all the e-mails & facebook messages wondering if I'm ok since I haven't posted on the blog in almost a week.  I'm in Maine for a short vacation and my cousins wedding.  Before leaving I had a day of chemo, day of hydration and day of iron, at which point I got sick for the first time and then left on a plane.  Once here, I again got sick, not a pleasant occurrence anytime, but made more uncomfortable by being in a hotel room, not my own bathroom or bedroom.  However, I powered thru it and made it thru to another day. The wedding, which was on the ocean at a beautiful mansion was spectacular to say the least. ( I will post some pictures of facebook when I get home in a few days).  Once again, I got sick and had to leave just after eating and missed the dessert, blueberry pie, homemade ice cream and whoopie pies!!.  At this point, I guess I might be giving too much info, but it's what happens.....so if you want to quit reading do so now.....With all the drugs combined with the chemo ones stomach gets screwed up..ie..constipated.  I really needed to" go," and every time that food got put in, it just "exploded" and I'd have terrible cramps and break out in a sweat. This has happened the last time, so it's really nothing "new", but is awful to have to go thru.  So I ended up taking laxatives and of course things started working at 12:30pm and kept me up all night!!  Also my emotions got the best of me and the tears started to fall and wouldn't stop.  I have to admit, this is the first time that I've really cried this hard since being diagnosed again.  And again, a hotel room is not the most "comforting" place to be having a "mild breakdown", and especially missing Abby and my friends not being here to help me .  But  I got thru it and have making the best of my time here.  I have a few days left and when I get home I start right back on chemo....I will be 2 cycles in and have only one more to go before having a cat scan to see if and how much the tumor has shrunk.  From what I have been told, I will have a total of 6 cycles so I'm almost 1/2 way there!!!  Thanks for all your prayers and good karma being sent my way...xoxo