The latest news....

Bob, Abby & I met with Dr Pugmire on Thursday.  After much discussion, I will be having surgery on Aug 7th.  He told us that the cancer doubles in size every 30-50 days and felt that it should be done sooner than later.  However, he did give me the option of not having surgery, of just treating it with chemotherapy.  Of course that's not what I want to do, but at least he gave me a choice, something Dr Fata never did.  He feels that he can get it all by doing it with the robot thru the abdomen and hopes to be able to just take out the piece of cancer.  If not, he'll do a resection, which will involve me having to have a temporary colostomy, but the chances he gave us was 5% of that happening. I will be in the hospital for 2-3 days.  He will send the tissue to a lab in California and they will determine what type of chemo will work the best, since I've been screwed up with chemo over the past years.  He assures me I will only have to have 6 treatments, but doesn't know if that means once a week, twice a week, once a month etc...  I did ask if he thought I'd lose my hair and he said he didn't know, it will depend on the chemo.  So,,,,,,even thou I'd hoped to have this done after the wedding, I'm feeling ok about getting it out of the way now and moving forward.   I'm extremely confident in Dr. Pugmire and am so glad that I changed Dr.s  I feel he is doing what is right for me and in the end it will be ok.
                                              Peace & Love

Fianlly called

It's been a very stressful week once again here at the Bolam house!   Dr. Pugmire finally called this morning.  He said it is ovarian cancer on the rectum, so he will continue to be my Dr. and will be the one to operate.   He said it takes 6 to 8 weeks to get the chemo out of my system and he can't do the surgery until its all gone.  He at first said surgery would be in Oct, but I told him that Abby's wedding was then.  He said I could wait till after the wedding or have it beginning of Sept.  So far I've decided to wait till after the wedding, I don't think I need the added stress of surgery before.   I will also need to have 6 rounds of chemo...which at this point seems very "doable"   Of course it falls right in the middle of our trip to Mexico, but will work it out even if I have to fly home for treatment like before.  We have a meeting with him next Thursday to go over everything and discuss what will happen. 

I feel much better now that I've spoken to him again.  He is kind of arrogant but for some reason I like that.  I feel like he will listen to me and tells it like it is....good or bad, where Dr Fata just smoothed things over.  I still have not heard a word from Dr. Fata or his staff and at this point doubt I will.  Trying to let go of the anger I have towards him, but it sure is tough.  I was just $$$$ to him, so much for his,"we love you here, your family".   So, I'm relieved for now, hope I will be able to sleep thru the night and have my stress level go down.  Still planning on going on vacation next week up north and then to Pennsylvania to visit family with Abby and Dan.  Again, thanks to all who have supported me thru all of this,
                                      Peace & Love

It only lasted a few hours

Briefly, this is what has happened over the past few days.     We met with the new oncologist and immediately liked him right away. After reviewing my charts he told us that I don't need maintenance chemo, that there are no studies that support it etc....basically I've been receiving it  for the past year or so for no apparent reason.  He was surprised by a lot of the decisions that Dr Fata had made, tests that weren't requested etc.   He also told me that chemo would stop right then.  So we were more than happy to hear that news.  It took awhile for the PET scan to get to the Dr.  Dr. Fata's office wouldn't release it and I had to go back and forth to his office and the place where it was done and demand a copy be sent to Dr. Pugmire.  Since we had been there for several hours, the Dr said he would call me at home with the results when and if the report ever got there.

Later that night I received a phone call from Dr. Pugmire telling me that something didn't look right on the PET scan, that there was a "thickening" in the rectal wall that needed to be looked at.

Going to jump right to it now, had a scope and biopsy yesterday and it's not looking good. The Dr. feels that it is cancer but won't know for sure until after the biopsy comes back, probably by wed of next week.  So.....the happiness and joy that was here only lasted a few hours and now we are picking ourselves up once again  Bob and Abby have had their moments.  I'm still having mine and not sure when I'll be over it.  I feel so betrayed by Dr. Fata for things he did and didn't do..mainly DIDN'T and mentally am not prepared to deal with  any of this.   IF there is something good that can come out of this is to hope that the cancer is from the ovarian cancer and not a different one.  If it's connected to the ovarian cancer, Dr Pugmire will be the one treating me..otherwise I'll have to get a gastro Dr.

This will require surgery, something I'm not looking forward to.  The scopes of my bladder, vagina and rectum have left me feeling pretty sore, I can only imagine what surgery will feel like!  Thank God for good drugs.  I've decided to keep this info close to home for right now, only letting the few close friends and family know as it's too hard for me to even talk about it and to deal with phone calls etc. 

I will try and keep the blog up-dated but have to honestly say tears are streaming down my face as I type this,,,it is so utterly painful for me right now
                                                                      Peace & Love

Here we go again

Well it's been another rough week here at the Bolam house with me trying to make it thru a week of chemo.  Again taking the claritan didn't seem to help much at all.  On top of that, I've come down with a cold and sore throat, something I haven't had in years.  So all around feeling miserable and sleeping for days.  I did have a incident with Dr.Fata and his nurse and therapist last week that put me way over the edge.  Not even sure how to explain what went down, but went in for my routine blood draw and they said the Dr. wanted to talk to me for a minute.  Why I didn't go get Bob in the waiting room is beyond me, but I didn't think anything of it. ( chemo brain )  A few minutes later the Dr, nurse and therapist walk in the room , making me feel like I was being ambushed.  They said one of the girls said I "looked mad" and they wanted to diffuse the situation if I had any issues/.   WTF!!!!!  I was so angry I couldn't even talk, told them they were crazy, that I was going for my PET scan in a few minutes and hadn't had food or coffee for 28 hours and maybe that's why I looked un-happy.   I got up and walked out and the nurse and therapist both came to me and apologized.  The best part of all of this was Tanya, my nurse loudly ripping into them about what they did and me telling her to be quiet so she wouldn't get in trouble.   So now totally pissed off, I have to go and have my PET scan, where I have to remain "calm and relaxed' for an hour.  Most of that relaxing time was spent crying into the crappy blanket they gave me while curled up in a chair.

I did make a phone call to the nurse when I got home and told her how un-professional I thought they all were.  She told me that the girl at the desk said I was mad that they didn't have my files that I requested.  Funny thing is, I never asked for them, it was never brought up, I completely forgot about them.  I feel that it was a complete set up  and you can be sure Dr Fata will hear how I feel when I have my conference with him on friday.  She also stated that it seems like they are making a "bigger" issue out of me wanting a 2nd opinion.....seriously??????  You think?????  All I want is to see if another Dr.has a different plan on treating me and the cancer.  I don't think it's asking too much.

I do have my 2nd opinion appointment on tuesday of this week with Dr. Pugmire, the Dr. my gynecologist referred me to.  Bob and Abby will go with me and hopefully we will get some answers.  This is going to be a mentally trying week, meeting with a new Dr. getting the PET scan results and meeting with Dr Fata, all while not feeling well.   UGH  

While several of my close confidantes are going thru their own issues. they still are there for me and I can't thank them enough for listening to me.  Most times we just end up crying from laughing at the absurdity of what it going on....Abby is my keeper of the Faith,when mine wavers she is there to pick up the pieces and get me back on track believing that it will all work out.  Can't believe my baby girl just turned 27 years old!  and nurturing her mother now!  And some happy news, my nephew Matthew and his wife Sarah welcomed their healthy son Colin Jacob into the world on the 4th of July.

Praying that I'm feeling better soon, and this week will go by quickly and smoothly

                                          Peace & Love