Feeling Better

So after not being able to get myself or my emotions under control, I made the call to the Dr.   Lauren, one of my oncology nurses called me back and we talked and I told her how I was feeling ect.  She would speak with Dr. Fata and get back with me. In the meantime, I went to Abby's and floated in the pool, tears falling and filling up my ears, and wondering WHY the hell I was so jacked out of shape!!!!   Several hours later the call came and Lauren relayed to me that Dr. Fata would be lowering my chemo dose, that he thought my stomach pains might be related to diverticulitis, which I do have, and that he wanted me to see/talk to a therapist/social worker at the office.   Gwen called me within a hour and she was very calming, talking me "down off the edge".  Even thou that night I was throwing up and really not feeling good, I did have a sense of peacefulness and managed to get a good nights sleep.  I went to the office the next day and met with her again. In talking she explained to me that people react at different times to their illness, some when first diagnosed, some during and then like me, at the end.  September is coming up fast, I have 4 treatments left and then my cat scan.  That will determine what the next step is in my treatment. I believe it's the "fear" of the un-known that has gotten to me.  I so want this to "be over" and move on with what I want to do with my life, and not knowing is pretty scarey.   In trying to find some relief from all of this, I'm going to make a appointment with a oncology massage therapist and a acupuncturist. that work out of my Dr.s.  I don't want to have to depend on drugs if I don't have too, I think I've had enough put into me this past year!  So again, thank you everyone who has been keeping up with me and sending me well wishes.  Please know that I'm fine and doing well, I just had a mini "breakdown" and am back on my feet, running all over town, going to garage sales and generally doing what I normally would.  Sometimes a good cry is what a girl needs.